Living, breathing, existing

We went on a 4-day trip to Starfish Island as what I call it hah. (Tondol super white beach, the sand is just, glorious, like powder crushed into finer, crystalline, softer grains) and to The Hundred Islands! Which we crossed by sea. Here are some gifs that I took;

I, casually fixing my hair, decided “Why not take a gif instead?” I just finished reading The Age of Miracles (rating: ★★★★) that day so I finally went out to be with my family out on a cool opaque moments-til dusk afternoon. I loved it, the other star? I wanted more, I want the characters to have an elucidated background story, I want this craving to know what happened to Julia and Seth even though only fragments of them were shared yet enough to feel a cling to them. I wanted to know what happened to the characters that seemed like they have faded to oblivion. What happened to the people inhabiting earth, did the minutes continue to expand? I didn’t mind if the facts stated in the book weren’t solidified science, it was the perspective of a little girl, and it was nice to borrow her eyes for a while. Also, it happened again. That silver-tongue moment. Or was it coincidental again? There was a part where the weather was vividly described, then the part in the beach. I had to close the book for a second and close my eyes. Breathe. It’s amazing that I was at the beach and it feels like everything I read in the book is happening around me real time. I felt languid, happily with a book, dazing into the sea. I could hear the calm waters, feel the sand in my toes, taste bliss in the air.

I took a walk by the shore, (and I swear these gifs look better on my iPod) contemplating about the marvel around me. How everything was right where it should be, slowly, then all at once. I remember something  I’ve read, “Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away.”  and a slim sickle crescent moon began to crease up my face like it did to the indigo skies.

(I swear it looked 10x better, and clearer. About time I downloaded a new gif app. trivia: I haven’t updated my iOS since I bought my iPod, it’s still 5.0.1 idk, I have this feeling that people obsess with upgrading thinking newer is better (in instances yes) but they don’t realize that they already had the best… hm-hm. haha, I’m contented with my iOS unless it being slow forces me to upgrade) Pondering, while playing with the starfishes on the sand washed ashore, I’m currently standing here, like a thumbnail on the maps of earth. Will the future generations witness this splendor?Will I still be able to see this magnificence in the coming years? There’s an ache in my heart, to save the ocean, this earth is all we have. When everything is dying already, will we still have our taciturn mundane expressions? You are a living, breathing, being, why not do your part? I am distraught with the relentless destruction. I am more aware of it, a clock work has turned inside of me. I recommend you to read The Age of Miracles, I thought it was a cliche end of the world book. But no. Non sequitur. Eyes, like lenses, with a flick of each eyelash, recording scenes engraved to my mind, heart, and soul, forever.

(Source: thepaulineanatomy)

The In Between

It seems like summer flew like a gust of wind passing by to diminish the trickle of sweat on my cheek. During dinner, my parents casually asked, “When’s your enrollment?” and I, somehow disheveled and out of sync with the world while I stare at my food, answered, “Already? It’s summer! But… Oh wait, we only have a quarter left! I didn’t notice.” It was somewhat a soft invisible thump on my forehead, summer is almost over. If not for the clouds, the gentle rain pour that creates puddles on the streets, I would’ve inferred that it’s just the weather going nuts. But amidst its bipolarity, the opaque sunlight, the translucent rain; like an equinox shifting more of the other. Sitting on the other end of the emperor’s seat, well, we have our designated seats in our dinner table, in the exact same scenario, I was reminiscent of that brisk March night, where everyone was excited, the air filled with fragments of This summer I will… consequently to This summer I did. The night where my parents, eating, and casually talking and asking, “When’s your last day in school?” seems like a sentence found on the last paragraph of the page you just turned. This, by far, has been the most productive and busiest summer I have ever had. Days, morphing into one long sandwich of day and night. I am also proud, that I’ve materialized the plans I have written on paper to life. But I still have a few more to tick off my list. That also meant, I spent more time off the internet, and more of spending time feeling alive. These notes etched in here, as I pinch some of my time writing in my escritoire, serve as dips into my wonderland. It’s like take it or leave it, demand and you shan’t receive, but those who are virtuous, will be rewarded. I’m still trying to fall back in love with writing in this blog without the feeling of have to, (remember what I said?) Til then, all of my written works will be sifted in the pages of crisp paper, written in ink. Like cadences, like the surfacing of your feet from water, yes, little dips into wonderland. Stay if you must. But one thing’s for sure, you’ll keep on coming back. 

(Source: thepaulineanatomy)

Things will get better, only if you let them.

I’m going to make kwento about our epic day and you better read it okay? Haha.

Yesterday was an unprecedented Friday. In the morning around 5, I feel exhausted even before I could open my eyelids, heavy as fudge chocolate being poured on a sundae, only this was the bad kind. I struggled out of bed and chugged down white coffee. I prayed, “Lord, I surrender this day to you. Whatever happens, happens.” When I arrived in school, mental checklist, let’s see, I have to survive the recitation, and holy cheesus we have an exam (?!?!?!) but no fuss, it’s okay, then a long quiz afterwards? I have to surive 4 periods, then shoot for a vid project then party!

——

We planned a surprise party for our friend, she cried cos no one, NO ONE IS GREETING HER. I was apathetic to her puffy eyes. Until the end of the day, we kept our mouths shut. I count the hours until I am free from the chains of academic work. Until we called for the last scene, 5:08pm, I could feel the anticipation as my friends called and asked me where I was, I ran through the buildings towards the car park where the gang waited, with their cars; music turned up, and filled with undercover party paraphernalia. My mum was texting me, she said “I’m gonna leave, be home by 6pm okay? Love u” I was like, shoot. Sorry mom, here I go again with my ambush pagpapaalam! My dad is out of town, my sisters at home, and mom’s gon go out with friends for a TGIF, but I want my own TGIF too :( I felt bad tho cos I’ve been going home late for hmm, let’s see, every freaking day for the past week? Ha! I chuckled to myself, you are a bad bad kid. Whilst the exchanging of msgs to my mum and dad, we were already driving to Von’s place! (Remember Cup Ramen tuesdays? My posts last 2011-12? The place where we’re free? Hee!)

— Fast forward to the surprise, we threw chocolate cake, blasted music, and hosed my friend. Lol we are such lovely friends right. Then our house party started. We had water guns with us, some of our friends didn’t want to get wet, what kill joys, anyway of course I wouldn’t allow it. We rode the motorcycle (what a lovely vintage ride) and chased them around the village, haha it was like GTA. My mum texted around 8PM and said that I should go home, and I said we’re almost done, it was 9PM already and she went out to have her TGIF with friends, and said that I should get home first before she does or else I’m doomed. It was already 10PM still Ika and I were biking around with wet clothes screaming “WE’RE FREEEE!!!” Others were jamming with their electric guitars. I hosted the 18 roses, informally, and proceeded with having fun. It was already 11PM and my mum was furious, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I AM SO DEAD. We rode Vince’s car and felt high of life, Ika and I got off the car to run the highway and buy Ice cream and food as bribe to my mum. HAHAHA I got home and it was almost 12AM. Oh well, teenagers, teenagers. Being scolded was worth it. Sorry Mum, I can’t promise to be not reckless. But I’ll go home in one piece, every time. Haha I miss nights like this!

“Hey ate Pau! Are you at home? I’ve got a surprise for you :)”

So, on a random day, my super friend Ika (Ay-kuh) decided to drop by my house, and surprise me with a skateboard. Wow, it’s so normal for your friend to randomly give you a gift on a random summer afternoon. Ok. Hahaha! I mean thanks man. :”>

She came running with a deck, while P and I were chillin on the front yard. And she said, “Ate Pau, eto na yung surprise ko! Aalis din ako agad kasi nanunuod ako ng Naruto” HAHAHAHA I WAS LIKE WTF? Remember what I said last time? If you just let it, if you just let life surprise you. :)

We looked for cruisers at Town, originally we planned to do Penny or Globe or a Mini cruiser, but they were outta stock already. The designs of the cruisers weren’t that pretty nor artistic for us. So we skipped buying that day. We saw these decks tho Girl and Chocolate and others, they were so rad. I also thought that, cruisers are for cruising, and that only. But with an old skool skateboard we could do so much more than just cruising. I’ve tried skate boarding before, like in freshman hs, but I was like, meh. My mum (yes, my mother) was telling me to try skateboarding cos she used to skate (yes, my mom is THAT cool HAHA) So instead of being pacute in the vinyl boards, we opt for the skateboard-skateboard. I thought it was hard, yes at first, but maaaan. Luckily I’m a fast learner! Haha! My little sisters are sk8r girls now as well lol. Last night we skated til 11pm, down hill, street lights, night sky. We felt free. Ika bought a generic board muna, and we’ll shift to Girl Malto when we have the time to buy at Ahhlaabaaanggg. 

Hey Ika! Why are we friends anyway? HAHA YOU’RE CRAZY AS FORK AND SO AM I. =)) You’re game for everything and I like that about you. Finally, someone who has this escapism and thirst for adventure as I do. We’re so random, and we talk about anything. Do know that I’m just here okay? Good thing di ka na natuloy sa China! Hmm.. siguro kasi namatay yung fish na binigay ko sa’yo kaya ako may board :( HAHA! Kitten. Still, we’ve got more adventures and I can’t wait. I taught you how to ride a bike, this will be a breeze just as well. This is my last free summer, cos next year will be my OJT (uh oh) Anyway, we still got this summer to live to the fullest. Skate later! I love you <3

It’s never too late to try something new, try it. Just do it. 

Summer II; Of laughter and bliss

After a tiring yet fulfilling day of our Visita Iglesia, our last itinerary for the day was Poracay, to relax the weekend off. :) This was taken on the lahar road to Poracay. I didn’t have a zoom lens with me I could’ve taken a more detailed photo of the sun spilling through the mass of puffy clouds. Aaaah, life you are amazing. 

When we arrived at our Villa, which was yellow (chyes! cos I like vibrant yellow walls) and it was quite big (yay cos I like spacey rooms) also, I fell in love with the Villa the first step (or scent) when I came in. You see, I love the feeling and scent of new houses, y’know that? The finished paint that doesn’t sting, the centralized air-conditioning, new curtains, furniture, all neatly arranged like a doll house. I give this Villa a 4 star-rating. My perfect 5-star rating goes to the Villas in Subic, (we stayed in where Kim Chui just left, lol) I still remember the effervescent feeling, how the varnished wooden floor touch the soles of my feet, the forest backyard, the creepy night (somehow cos there were Crows for crying out loud, Jeepers Creepers!!!) and the morning I woke up to the white curtains and the Sun beaming through the glass doors and windows. I can’t wait to go back to Subic, someone take me please. Heh. Anyway, I felt the zing of that feeling in this Villa. I immediately occupied the top bunk! (Cos I like ceilings, and being close to them haha)

And here is my cute cute mum, she loves taking photos as much as I do. Obv, of herself too. Haha have I told you guys? I wanted to be an Interior Designer before? I’ve watched the Lifestyle network all my childhood together with Disney and Nickelodeon and CN, heck I do all the prettifying and designing things to my room back in 5th grade, I also read ALL the Good housekeeping magazines my mum bought together with my K-zone and few total girl and W.I.T.C.H magazines. Haha! That is why I’m gonna share to you my Room re-decor in my following post (Stay tuned!!! Note: Painting the ceiling, walls, cabinets, and installation of Pin Lights!)

My mum calls me The Hair, like the character from my favourite cartoon, The Adams Family. I’d call myself Wednesday but, my hair is everywhere soo.. ok. I spent the night strolling around, it was hella dark at first like almost zero visibility in the bridges. My little cousins and sisters went for a night swim, so did I. It was cold. But, 

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First time kong mapagalitan dahil nagd-drawing ako. 

Wala akong notebook tas lahat sila nagnonotes (well based from my peripheral vision muka silang nagnonotes) I was listening naman, I was just quiet. Pahamak kasi Alvarez ang surname ko, letter A. Kaya ako lagi nasa front and first seat sa class. I was just innocently drawing in class like I always do then suddenly…

Sir: Woh, that’s a very nice drawing ha

Me: Uhhh, sorry po sir

Sir: Looks like you got a high grade in Draw class, what’s your grade in Draw?

Me: 1 po sir.

Sir: What do you think is your grade in COM 105?

Me: Uh 1 din po sir hehehe

Sir: Then you should start taking down notes. This is not a drawing class.

BOOM. hahahaha! So that is how my muscle top prototype got intertwined and destroyed by my political journalism notes. I had nowhere else to right and I’m such a badass I continued drawing. Tho it kills me to overwrite my drawing huhu. Okay. How are you guys? :)

(Source: thepaulineanatomy)

No edits, just creative juice and natural light. Meet my sister :)

The reflection just made my skin pinker than before.

And you know I love monochrome.

Happy Valentines day! I hope ya’ll had a good one, cos I did. :)

We decided to stay in since it’s more fun chillin at home than to make sabay with the wave of the crowd and for sure the malls are packed. I didn’t go to school today cos I didn’t feel well, and I already slept around 4am (cos I was painting *cough*) He came around lunch time and I was more than glad to be with P and my family at home on valentines hihi. A smile lit up. My little sister, P and I just hung out and ate to our bellies craving. I can’t contemplate into sufficient words cos all I remember was the feeling. Hi P! thank you for everything. For the constant effort. Patience and understanding. For reminding me about the little things. Thanks for makin me feel like it’s valentines everyday. Eek. Cheese. Hah. Thank you, for the time and showing me that i am important and that you care. For listening, the endless talks, bearing with my tripolarity, I may not say or show it often or not enough, but I appreciate every little thing, I’m grateful. Okay? :) I am reminded, what hearts day meant. To remind the people that you love that they are important and you care. It felt free to feel the love of God and my family and every one around me. Ive been passive, Ive been indifferent to receiving and giving love. And I remembered, love is the closest thing we have to magic. ❤

As I grow older, everything seems to be within reach. Tho it may be hard sometimes, cos life is never easy. But there’s this certain wisdom, a certain peace within me that concurs. Only the important things are what matters to me, all the negative, yes, they’re there only to serve as a reminder of what is important. People will criticize, ridicule, but that’s all that they can ever do, judge. But they would never, ever, have the capacity to live the life that I live. It is liberating, empowering, and emancipating. I know I’ll make more mistakes, more lost days, more scolding, more criticizing, heck, all of it will never stop! But one thing is constantly changing, me being stronger, wiser, and a better person. All of the mishaps and good times make me who I am. I want to experience and stumble and succeed and fly and more. Who knows what my 18th year has in store for me? Maybe love? or travelling? or performing? Hah. Who knows.17 year old self, you deserve a pat on the back. You’ve been hella great. Cheers to more mistakes, mischief, and madness. To the people who have always been there, you know I love you. To the people I will meet, hello! To the ones I’ve lost, we’ve had our time and share of memories, to those who are planning to stay you are more than welcome, to those who wants to leave, I have an automated seat eject machine thank you, and to God, Hey Gman, you have a purpose for me, a life well lived, an awesome adventure that is beyond a minuscule human brain can fathom. I will keep my faith and be still. Thank You for 18 wonderful years of existence. 

Hello, hello. I echo out to you guys. Can I just say that I feel like I’m seventeen forever? And it’s still not occurring to me that i’ll turn 18 in a matter of days. Maybe that is why I’m feeling out of sync, everything’s happening too fast. Uh-oh, freeze please? But there ain’t no stopping time. It feels weird, I feel weird. Jan 13, 2012 before I was 16 waiting to be 17 now I am 17 waiting to be 18. It’s like a vertigo, a transition of souls. A lot has change, a lot has happened. Now I am writing this down at awe that I will soon turn 18. It’s such a big number, I can vividly remember back when I was around 7, when I celebrated my mini, well, grand 7th birthday where I felt so matured. Heck, I was a little princess adorned with little silver jewels in a puffed elegant pink gown in a strictly formal event with giant cakes. I was only 7 back then. Now, here I am in a paradoxical situation. Where I feel so old, yet so young. Mixed emotions I must say. 5 days to go mates, til my celebration. :)

To be honest. I DIDN’T PLAN THAT I WOULD ACTUALLY CELEBRATE A DEBUT-DEBUT THINGY. But maybe it’s in my personality I guess, I don’t plan. Random. It just happens. My parents wanted me to celebrate it like this so go! =) I can’t wait to tell you the details. It’s not really grand grand but a different kind of simple grand. Only the closest people to me. I don’t like big parties wherein I don’t get to talk to everyone and it’s all awk cos my guests don’t know each other. Anyway, January is my month. I celebrate my birthday whole month long! I’ve been very busy so let me highlight the happenings so far;

• Last Friday, Mum, Tito, and Titas went to MNL to buy the necessary party paraphernalia. Hello torches! HIPSTER OLYMPICS HAHAHA (Steve was joking that this was the theme since Idk what my theme is but it’s awesomesauce. Hah) Hung out with P whilst he’s braiding my hair as I edit in fuwto shop hahaha wee, finished my invites design and tarp!
• DID MY FLOWER CROWN AT 4:30AM IN THE MORNING AND VERY HAPPY WITH IT. DIY! I will post a photo, and hopefully a tutorial if you want :>
• Photo shoot with Kuya Zeus and Rain yesterday! 011213 (My Outbreak Manila Team!) can’t wait to blog about this! Even tho it was gloomy and rainy, we still managed to take great photos. (I’m just waiting for my Dropbox download to finish so I can get the photos)
• Today, Printed out the invites! Searched for my cocktail dress, but haven’t found the one yet. Sad. Anyway, still have til Friday :)
• Will give out the invites tomorrow!

This semi-formal informal forest indie water fairy fire trees hippie water balloon lights chill yolo native hipster simple happy party is so random. Like me. Planned, Sorted, Arranged in more or less 10 days. Hah. Thank you Gman. As for tomorrow, still got school to face. Biology to sleep on. Hahaha I kidd. Nevertheless, I am thrilled. Emotions stirring up in my teenage heart. Yaaaa. Great week ahead everyone, make the best out of your days :)

2012, 2012. I don’t even know where to start, but I guess this will suffice. This post is an understatement of 2012 I must say, I can say this still lacks, but it will suffice. As you can see, It is a beautiful chaos. It may not be in order, literally (the photos haha) but everything was amazing. Just like in life, in times we may be confused, when everything is out of our control but then we realize, it’s better to let go, to let things be, to let God. I don’t expect anything from 2013 cos I’m sure I didn’t expect EVERYTHING that happened in 2012. So Imma let 2013 surprise me too ;) I’ve met a lot of people, learned a lot. I’m still on this self discovery experience like I’ve been since highschool, heck since I was born. Made a couple mistakes, but I’ll make more mistakes! Surely! No regrets just lessons learned. The people who love you will be there for you no matter what, and when they leave, it’s okay. Smile, they’re not for you, or you’re not for them, nevertheless, life goes on. And things will be amazing, so let me take you to a series of mixed up photos and share tidbits of stories okay? Thank you dear reader, you are wonderful.

January 1 2012! Yes, formal top and spongebob boxers. Mum was taking the photo so yep. Cant believe it’s 2013 already!

Rizal Cup on my birthday

BBALL TEAM! Super fun experience to be part of the pioneers. Almost almost won. I didn’t get to play in the championships cos we were shooting a film. Multi tasking in college biches~

With mum on our trip to the woods, calming.

With Gelo and Hannah, we presented different plays for our Communications class, I am a schizophrenic little girl.

This afternoon of January? Ultimate fun, running around, dancing, screaming, laughing.

On the grass, goofin with my friends. March.

A paparazzi shot posted on my wall by a schoolmate! Hahaha! YES I HAVE A LOLLIPOP AND I TOTALLY FORGOT THAT AND I SAID MY LINES WITH A BULOL BULOL SPILL HAHAHA everyone laughed ok sorry =))

We won! After hours and hours of after class practices, we were practicing til late at night. Tah dah! Charge of the light brigade! 

BFF, magical night at Narnia under the March sky with friends, yes I am wearing socks. Cosplayed as Mara sans Clara.

With my big bro, Pansit. Yep, noodles.

March 1 was infinite, hah. Paparazzi shot my best friend. Can’t believe it’s already been a year =)

Visited daddy at the cemetery, biking around with cousins! Oh and the irony, the smallest bike, the kiddie bike is being used by me. Ikr. My family was laughing while we stroll cos it looked miniature.

Recent photo, Solenad. I’ve had a lot of adventures in Nuvali, Solenad to Tagaytay. I’ll do a separate post instead =)

MMA ASSEMBLY! Viva la MMA Students!

EK, August 21 2012 :-> Fireworks!

Fun day with Alp, Phil, Nicco, Chicco and Jeka :) 

Because we like to hang out and take pictures.. mostly of ourselves. Like Steve here, he bought an SLR just so he could use it as a mirror. HAHAHA jk.

Who are you texting there ey? We like to hang out a day before the exams and do stuff cos we are bad ass. Ok. We were playing music really loud, this day was a blur all I can remember that it was so much fun.

At town, obv. meet up with my photojournalist. Did an interview for my midterms :)

Lyin’ on the ground, photojourn class. It’s so fun to be an MMA, cos your friends have cameras too and everything is just recorded. Their cams with photos of me and vice versa.

Smoke sesh with my 13 year old sister. HAHAHA ok kidding, it’s Vape back when it wasn’t mass produced. We were tryna photograph the smoke. This is somewhere in ber months.

Good morning! Always start your morning with a smile, this is a Tuesday, cos I’m in a car and I have a camera. =) See how I can remember details… :> The sun, spilling through the car windows felt magical, that everyday has a brand new hope, it does.

Beach on September, relax away from school stress. I miss the sea.

I asked my bff if she could fit in it, hahaha. This is one of my favourite places in school. The innermost corners of the library. I read and sit alone, ahhhh serenity.

My sister, Yanyan, we were painting clouds inside my room.

Modern Egyptian. 

This photo is beautiful don’t you think? Should I make a photoblog? Suggestions? :)

This and the photo below? Candid, I love how Alpha takes candid photos of me. :) Thank you! I miss you :( Here, I am taking photos for our Photog class, different techniques.

Random trip to someplace with the family! See how we slide like penguins on the slippery pool :) I miss kuya Jake’s girlfriend. (Ikr) I mean ex. Oh anyway, always a fun day with cousins :)

Photography class! We’re inside the studio. I wish we’d have classes often there. It’s so cozy and chill. El Vogue-ing with Steve!

THE Outbreak Manila Team :) So proud to be a part of this.

Oktoberock! Wonderful bands, my friends, playing :)

Goofin, I miss my classmates =)

Recent tagaytay roadtrip, separate post. I love how we all felt free and happy :)

Wedding of my Ninong and Tita @ fernbrook gardens, Aaaaah after 16years, finally. :’) Separate post! A beautiful, fairy tale wedding indeed.

Christmas 2012 ♡ It’s always lovely to spend time with family, and unexpected visits from the people you love on Christmas day. Truly I can’t blog the entirety but I hope that I gave you a glimpse of how wonderful life is. I vow to organize my photos and blog even twice a month. I will organize my photos by month, e.g Januray, February and so on. A lot of things transpired, and some things still wait to be revealed. And it’s already 2013, and the missing links or gaps in 2012 that I haven’t shared might be filled in this year ;> Happy 2013 guys! I am grateful for everything, I can only hope and pray for the best. Thank you for being with me in this ride, still, in 2013 okay? and years to come! CHEERS TO A NEW START! A NEW YEAR!

(Source: thepaulineanatomy)